Control: Self? Environment? Others?

By janurse on Sat, 08-14-10, 08:18

Posted in Group:

Control. This is an issue that has been often discussed here, but I wanted to throw it out again, with some questions for all of you.
Has control been an issue for you in terms of your eating disorder? Is it still? Has it been more about self-control, controlling your environment, or controlling the actions of others?
How has it affected your relationships, or has it?
For myself, the need for tight control resulted from a living in a very controlled environment, and not feeling like I had any say about my life. But then, as the eating disorder began to take hold, the control became all about food, eating weight, but still with that underlying component. As I married, had my own home, etc., it included control of my environment..the need for something that was solely mine or ME.
I can see now that during this entire process, I was also controlling those around my by my own behaviors. Maybe it was indirect, but it was there.
I might add that during this process, I had no awareness that I was doing this, or why. My subjective view was narrow and isolated.
What about you? Is this something you are aware of? If so, have you been successful in changing the negative impact it can have on your life?
Very interested in others' ideas....Jan ♥

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By anon2 on Sat, 08-14-10, 08:34

jan

I am fully aware now and can say that my way of control is much like yours was.I also lived in a controlled environment once I was married ..before the marriage or any relationship Im not sure.Thats when the Ed started for me.
For me I was the only one that could control what I ate or not..that was one thing in my life where no one could take control of that.

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By hopeful on Sun, 08-15-10, 06:06

Jan,

As we've discussed... ♥ I'm learning that early trauma caused me to feel unsafe in the world, and I've been trying to control everything ever since... Myself. My environment. Others. All in an attempt to create predictability. Safety. Do this, get that. The trouble is, not much in this world really works that way... And the perfectionist in me always felt that I had "failed" when things didn't go as planned. That darned weight refused to drop. Or my sister refused to act as I wanted her to. Or my dad wouldn't quit drinking. Or... It all continues... In the end, I knew that the only person I COULD control was myself... But even that became a dangerous and unhealthy attempt. Perhaps I should follow the Girl Scouts motto... Always be prepared. This is different, I think, than always be in control... We DO have control over how prepared we are... We can NOT control every outcome... ♥

Love you!!

Jen

http://hopefulhealing.blogspot.com/

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By janurse on Sun, 08-15-10, 07:17

Love you both....Grace and Jen...I have found that this is an interesting issue that takes on a more objective tone as you move forward into recovery.
Life can throw us things every day that may cause us to seek greater control...that's not necessarily bad, but it's important to consider if that control will make a difference, or it's about our own insecurity. Not right or wrong, just something to be aware of!

HUGS..Jan ♥

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By MJD on Sun, 08-15-10, 15:32

I could just copy and paste Jen's post here..... that is exactly how I feel; my early childhood chaos led me to attempt to control everything in my life and in my environment. I could NEVER let myself depend on anyone or anything.
I am learning to give up some of that control and to trust God. Because in the end, HE controls everything. Don't mean to get "religious" on here as I think that is best kept to myself but trusting God to help me handle my life has been one of the best things I have done. Still I am a big WORK IN PROGRESS.....

Molly

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By janurse on Sun, 08-15-10, 17:13

Molly...Please don't hold back your beliefs. You are respected and supported for who you are, and part of you is who you are spiritually. What helps you is important, and it may be valuable for others to 'hear' about it. Thank you for continuing to share who you are with us...HUGS..Jan ♥

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By MJD on Sun, 08-15-10, 18:53

Thanks Jan. I really appreciate your support. You are awesome!!!!

Molly

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By janurse on Mon, 08-16-10, 04:03

Molly...back at you friend! ♥

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By NessaK94 on Sun, 05-08-11, 23:43

Wow, I'm having control issues. Not in terms of food, but more so my relationship with my boyfriend. It's not just a simple 'I want to change him' - because I don't. But my history is of me having no control. So at the moment, I'm so engulfed by ME. It's all about me changing the world around me, rather than changing myself to be happy. It's fatlistic - and I know that - but regardless, I continue on this way.

Beneath our 'Battle Scars', there, lays a beautiful person.

With much love and blessings,
Ness

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