BALANCE and SAFETY

By janurse on Sun, 04-24-11, 11:55

Posted in Group:

Eating Disorder

You know how, when you wake in the morning, your brain kicks into high gear, and the 'balancing' game begins?
Before your feet hit the floor, you already have your day's food and activity mapped out in your head. All planned. Even. One balances the other out. Safety....right?
The phone rings. You are asked to help out with your nephew while your sister goes to the doctor...oh no. That means you can't eat 'your' food for lunch. You will probably have to eat something 'unknown' in front of others, unless you can avoid it all together. Just to be sure, safe, all balanced out.....you do 5 extra miles on the treadmill or you do 200 extra crunches. Ahh.....safe again.
What about that doctor's appointment? The nurse is going to weigh you. Can you ask her not to tell you? But she will know, and what will she think? Better not eat breakfast, or drink anything. Maybe an extra hour of exercise or 10 more laxatives will balance it all out. Or......you know you have lost weight since your last visit. What to say? You will have to drink 3 glasses of water and try to get by with leaving your shoes on while they weigh you....they are clueless anyway, right?
Yet, maybe they should know you lost weight. Maybe they will think it's a good thing. They certainly don't know how much you are struggling, or that it's a 'real' problem. Maybe you don't really need to see the doctor....you cancel the appointment until you can figure out how to balance it all out.
It's Wednesday. You know the weekend is full of activity and meals out with others. You know you will be unable to exercise and you will be 'forced' to eat foods that you don't want, and more of it. For the three days prior.........

To read the complete post, go to my Blog at: http://freefromexpectations.blogspot.com/

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By gottasmile on Sun, 04-24-11, 12:11

Just finished reading your entire post at your blog. Wow.

Don't know what to say. Except thanks for sharing, you've given me a lot to think about.

Wow again

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By janurse on Sun, 04-24-11, 15:24

Thank you.....♥

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By stonemala on Wed, 04-27-11, 05:35

torch-bearer jan,

there is a surreal comfort in your *written voice*. your ability to sift through the wreckage of this illness and to focus on such descriptive bits is a treasured gift to us. the way you identify specific thought patterns and communicate those thought patterns is like poetry. we are fortunate to bear witness to such beauty.

i am continually astonished by the common thread of this illness-- how it transcends demographics, how it provides the experiences and empathy that allow your words to somehow be my words also... those afflicted are sewn together by this common thread and are able to provide insight and empathy and solidarity to each other. i am grateful for your willingness to be a part of that.

thank you for your beautiful words that describe my countless ugly days. i hold your words close in my heart. i rely on others' recovery to push me to the other side- those rays of sunshine that pour over such ugly messiness.

thank you for your time, for extending your time and attention to us- just as others have done for you. i am grateful for the gift that is you- jan. thank you, mother earth, for this compassionate woman's birth and for allowing her spirit to bless us each day.

all my love, tink-
namaste- xo

http://aweighkenED.blogspot.com/

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By janurse on Wed, 04-27-11, 05:53

Thank you....namaste ♥

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