Anxiety, Perfectionism and Obsessionality in the development of an eating disorder?

Anyone willing to share? I'd love any input that you might have!
Thanks....Jan ♥

heyy jan

before i developed my eating disorder about a year and a hlaf ago i always wanted to be perfect. i was a dancer until i was 13 and so they wanted us toi be thin so i was obsessed with trying to lose weight. it started to go downhill when i was tessed in high school about it. i suffered from anxieety all my life.

after i got involved with bulimia my anxiety and obsession got worse. i got anxiety thinking that when i leave the house people are looking at me thinking that im fat or ugly and how can i be out if i look like that. i became obsessed with this perfect and ideal image

thats my story jan

Liz...thank you for your input. The way you describe your own experiences is familiar, both from my own experiences, and those who I work with on a daily basis. I appreciate you sharing and trusting me with your story.
Wishing you continued healing....Jan ♥

After my life became revovled around my anorexia my perfectionism became much worse. I wasn't able to have full recovery until i gave part of that up and changed it to wanting to be perfect at recovery. That helped me get up to a healthy weight when i was able to realize that rocovery isn't perfect and it's ok to slip up.

Perfection has always been there. One memory was when I was about 5. Cleaning is not something that was a favorite past time. My brother was perfect, so my mom had him sit on my bed and point to what I had to do until it was done. From that point on I have worked to always be the perfect one. My parents talk about all the pranks and crap that my brother did. Then they say but Jennifer was the perfect kid. We never had trouble out of her. She would ground herself. I would too. If I thought grades were too low or if I did something that was inappropriate- just teenage smart mouth usually- I would take away tv or phone or make myself go to bed. Now that I have my own house. I work to have it clean at all times including base boards, chair railing and never laundry piles. I can say that it has gotten worse this year, but it has always been there. I am in a constant fear that I will let someone down.
The only thing that I obsess over is light switches. LOL! That is new. It came with the new house. If they are on the same panel they all need to match. All up or all down. HA!

Well sometimes the only way to keep my ED in some kind of order is to have something else to obsess about. But I know it's all the same. I'm anxious all the time. But after I purge is the only time I feel any relieve . Cause during day i try to plan good meals and then by night I'm so anxious about my stomach being full but i know i have to eat dinner, so i try with only disappointing results. Ugh I'm a mess

I can relate to the perfectionism, obsession & anxiety. I was the "good child" growing up. Straight A's, honor classes, social clubs. Everything that looks good on a college application. The only times I actually was doing something for myself was when I was acting on stage. Everything else was for everyone else.

I didn't think it was that bad before the bulimia, but afterwards is a totally different story. The perfectionism faded somewhat, but the anxiety & obsession increased exponentially. I'm obsessed with just the thought of food, imagining what I'd love to eat. To the point of doing whatever I have to so I can get that particular food. After I get it, the anxiety kicks into high gear about how much weight I'm going to gain if I leave this food in my stomach. The anxiety has been so bad at times when I've tried not to purge that I've actually broke out in hives. Sometimes it scares me how much food runs my life ...

Hope that helps you Jan :)

Amber

Wow! Thank you all! I too can recall being referred to as the 'perfect' daughter; never causing trouble. I also can remember 'punishing' myself in various ways. Strange, but I am just now realizing that.
I really appreciate your input. What I have experienced is that all three of these components were present prior to the development of my own eating disorder, then they became worse, and now, while I still am 'high strung' about some things, I virtually don't think about any of it anymore.
I continue to repeat myself at times, but my turning point came when I stopped trying to change myself, and accepted myself for who I am. Pretty simple in words, but very hard in actuality.
Freedom........♥

Well sometimes the only way to keep my ED in some kind of order is to have something else to obsess about. But I know it's all the same. I'm anxious all the time. But after I purge is the only time I feel any relieve . Cause during day i try to plan good meals and then by night I'm so anxious about my stomach being full but i know i have to eat dinner, so i try with only disappointing results. Ugh I'm a mess

My idea of "being good" currently consists of sleeping as long as I can. Because if you're sleeping, your stomach can't tell you to eat. Twisted, I know.it's a habit I need to break. I need to learn to face food, right?

Amber